DBO created a fake MySpace site for a common friend and nobody knew it was fake until our friend told everyone else it wasn't actually him running the MySpace site. We uploaded photos of our friend, created strange postings which our friend obviously had nothing to do with, and invited a bunch of people we didn't really care for to fake "moving away parties". These are obviously things we would never never think about doing in present times. I "maintained" a weekly blog which only focused on things which were completely ridiculous. Things like lazers, eating a burrito in as few bites as possible, Wesley Snipes as God of the city of Tempe, and supplementing conversation with highly technical computer talk were common ways for me to use my imagination. In other words, I was a selfish idiot.
To prove this mutual ridiculousness, here is a video I found from late 2006 which shows DBO and I making ourselves laugh over the infamous Dennis Green "Bears Are Who We Thought They Were" press conference. Keep in mind, DBO and I were probably doing the routine in the video for at least an hour before I got the video camera out.
For some reason which I do not recall, we called the event "Weird Beir Night" with the "Beir" spelled incorrectly on purpose. We had one "Weird Beir" night and a bunch of people showed up but before showing up, they called us and asked what beer to bring. It felt like a community. We were all drinking the same beer. Feeling the same buzz and despising the same aftertaste all at the same time and most importantly, all together. I was getting sentimental about beer consumption.
Anyways, DBO and I thought it would be a good idea if we came up with a listing of "Tenets" to which the visiting drinkers would have to abide. So we brainstormed a bunch of ideas and wrote them down. We also came up with our own music playlists which would only be consumed while drinking the weekly "Weird Beir". We called the playlists something incredibly creative like "Weird Beir Party Mix".
Fast forward 7 years...I recall the "Weird Beir" nights but everything I seem to recall is related to the hangover I felt the day after and the regret of my irrational actions from the night before. The hosing down of my friend's little brother after he puked on my porch, the destruction of my guest room door, playing Flip Cup and Beer Pong with strong imported beers, the night we thought it was a good idea for everyone to drink 40's and then drink Red Dog beer, and the late night wiffle ball matches in my back yard. It's hard to relate to my early 20's self right now but it's even harder to recall why we thought this was a good idea.
BUT THEN! One of my friends sends me an email with the listing of every rule or "Tenet" DBO and I came up with at the time and all of the sudden, every memory returns. I must admit that I forgot about writing the "Tenets of Weird Beir Night". I am thankful we wrote this list down.
So here it is....this is what we wrote back in the Summer/Spring of 2007. We obviously didnt finish the "Tenets" but in hindsight, that is what I appreciate. I suppose it was a symptom of our age.
The Tenets of Weird Beir Night v1.0
Initial Creation Date: 4/27/2007
Version 1.0 release date ~ 4/27/2007
1. The Weird Beir of the week will be chosen by either DBO or JG (a.k.a "Guys who are more awesome than you and have no need for nicknames.").
2. Admission to the Weird Beir festivities will be to bring the chosen Weird Beir of the week. If you do not bring the Weird Beir of the week to the festivities, you must be able to recite the Tempe Hierarchy correctly and to be able to reformat your Hard Drive in less than 2 hours. If you cannot recite the Tempe Hierarchy correctly and reformat your Hard Drive in less than 2 hours, you will be forced to get into an argument with "The Wooly" about Apple Computers for 3 hours and then learn the basics of Windows XP.
3. Anyone can suggest a Weird Beir of the week, but can this will only be considered by DBO or John after they have ridiculed your idea, questioned your moral character and decency, and then stolen your idea and played it off likes it's their idea.
4. Only the Weird Beir of the week is allowed to be drunk on Weird Beir night.
5. If you show up with any other beer other than the pre-decided Weird Beir of the week, you must finish all of the beer you have brought before you are allowed to leave. (For example if you show up with 12 pack of Bud Light, you will be forced to drink the entire 12 pack in no less than 1 hour. And then you will have to vomit up all of the beer you have drunk. Directly after you vomit up your beer, you must drink no less than 3 of the pre-decided Weird Beir of the night, so please be careful, and remember if you bring over a 24 pack of beer or a keg, you will be in our custody for quite some time).
6. Hard Liquor is the only exception to not bringing the Weird Beir of the week over. Any hard liquor is allowed, but as soon as it enters our house, it becomes our property. So don't get any ideas of taking it with you when you leave. If you try and take said liquor off the premises, Scott will be sent to your house, to rip your arms off and throw you body thru a brick wall.
7. If you bring over hard liquor, you must only take shots of the hard liquor. Only Joe Bomber (a.k.a "The Higginbomber") can mix the hard liquor with something else. (See rule #9)
8. Throughout Weird Beir night, you must talk about the Weird Beir that you are drinking. Excessive talking about the Weird Beir you are drinking and how it is making you feel is highly encouraged.
9. Joe Bomber (a.k.a "The Higginbomber") is exempt from drinking the Weird Beir of the night but only if he is drinking a "Joe Bomber". Since the drink is named after him, he is allowed to drink a "Joe Bomber". No one currently has a drink named after them, so don't think about naming a drink after yourself to get out of drinking the Weird Beir of the night. Only someone else can name a drink after you and it must go through the proper approval process of the Tempe Hierarchy.
10. Feel free to talk about how the Weird Beir is changing your thought process. If it makes you think about your childhood, please feel to share that with the rest of us. Creativity is not only accepted but highly encouraged. Weird Beir is at the center of the moral and ethical spectrum of life and we would like to hear your thoughts on it.
11. Bud Light, Budweiser, Miller Lite, MGD, Coors and Coors Light (sorry The Wooly), Michelob, Heineken, Corona, or any other high profile beer, will never be named a Weird Beir of the night.
12. "Shot Gunning" of Weird Beir is not allowed. "Bonging" of Weird Beir is allowed, but only if you fill the beer bong up with no less than 2 Weird Beirs.
13. The following day after Weird Beir night, you must spill your guts about how your dreams and fantasies and were affected by Weird Beir. Did the weird beir have an amazing yet substantial and schematically correct impact on your dreams? Were your dreams categorized by stress problems and hardware failures? Were you able to re-boot your hard-drive without having to close out of all your open applications? Was your bandwidth completely choked or were you able to smile in the face of adversity and overcome the odds of file to heart optimization?
14. Weird beer night will take place every Friday night at our house starting no earlier than 6:00 pm PST. It is always a possibility that Weird Beir night might end up at some Tempe drinking hole, but not until after 10:00pm PST. Sometimes Weird Beir night may be changed to Saturday night depending upon the schedules of DBO and John. No one else can change the time, place, or day of weird Beir night. If someone else tries to change the day, time, and place of Weird Beir night, they will be forced to go on a Reconnaissance mission of morality into the emotional rainforest.
15. Any trash talking about the Weird Beir of the night will not be tolerated. It can lead to your banishment from future Weird Beir night gatherings and a 3 hour Apple computer trouble-shooting session with The Wooly while inserting covertly on a clandestine mission in his backyard.