Hey dude on the airplane. You're a dick. Since you got on the plane in the middle of the conversation with your wife about your tenants who spilled duck sauce all over your rental house's carpet, I now know things such as your level of dickness. Your wife is kind of hot in a demilitarized zone kinda way. She might have been hotter when she wasn't filling my eardrums with how poorly her fantasy football team is doing. Thanks to the talking drones at ESPN, I now have to hear women say nonsense like "He's gotta follow his checkdowns."
Hey dude on the airplane. Thanks for sitting next to me. Thanks for bringing that huge burrito on the plane with you and inhaling it like you are never going to eat again. I am impressed by few things now a days and on that list is how fast you ate that burrito which looks like Jackie Chan's ball sac. That huge 64oz turbo coca-cola is going to help you a lot as well. I bet if your insides could talk to you right now they too would tell you you're an asshole. I think if Indiana Jones lived inside of your intestines, he would constantly be running from Jackie Chan's balls which are demanding immediate exit from your bowels.
Hey dude on the airplane. That's a sweet laptop you got there and I love your wallpaper which is a picture of Ben Roethlisberger. I enjoy watching you do nothing but open and close applications on your laptop. Reviewing all of the pictures you took at your family reunion this weekend is a great idea. If that is your daughter in the picture you are looking at, she looks like Wayne Gretzky.
Hey dude on the airplane. I love hearing your demilitarized wife fill the storehouse which is your eardrum about how Nancy back at the office has bad hair and her face has drained itself of excellence. I have noticed if I close my eyes while listening to your wife speak, I am taken to a strange place where I can see Keith Richards building a high powered wind turbine which resembles a Diet Coke can.
Hey dude on the airplane. The plane just landed, stop acting stupid. You clearing your throat and making those constant groaning noises while getting up out of your chair makes you sound like a dying deer after its been hit by a Smart Car.